Women and men list things they want to hear from their partners but rarely do we get a list of things they don’t want to hear. I guess that makes sense: People don’t want to hear what they don’t want to hear. All of this pussyfooting around is giving me shin splints and migraines.
Fine. I can’t hug it out so I’ll write it out.
Men don’t want to hear the following from the person they are mounting:
- I’m late.
- I have a yeast infection.
- Remember that guy I used to date?
- We need to talk.
- My mother is coming to visit.
- You weren’t saving the [insert dearest thing], were you?
- I made some room in the closet.
- Diesel gas works as well as regular, right?
- Promise me you won’t be mad.
- I picked up a DVD I’ve been dying to see.
- You left your phone/computer unlocked.
- We just received another wedding invitation.
- Don’t you love my new hairstyle?
- The car is making a funny noise.
- Wow, that was quick.
- My ex was hung like a buffalo.
- Pfffbbbpppttt … phht … breep.
- How hard is it to get the garage door back on its tracks?
- I got rid of those old magazines.
- Aren’t you getting too old to be still [wearing/playing/watching] that?
- Did you read the directions?
Women don’t want to hear certain things either:
- I think the rubber fell off.
- … and it’s stuck inside you.
- Why are your boobs uneven?
- I bought you, I mean us a treadmill.
- My buddies are coming over for poker night.
- It’s not what you think.
- It didn’t mean anything.
- You don’t really want dessert, do you?
- I’ll do all the work. You can just lie there.
- Surprise! I did the wash and ironing for you.
- Why do you need another [purse/pair of shoes/bracelet/scarf/ring]?
- Can you come and get me?
- I don’t know whose those are.
- Do you think we can live off your income?
- Should I pop that zit for you?
- Every woman has a lesbian fantasy.
- Don’t you think you’ve had enough?
- Your [friend/sister/boss] is hot.
- My ex used to do it.
- Can you help me with my resume?
- I just got the hottest stock tip.
- You have to see this. Bring the camera.
- Look at those tits!
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