We Can Change


“We can change our lives. We can do, have, and be exactly what we wish.” – Tony Robbins

Sure, positive thinking certainly is better than defeatist thinking. I don’t know about you, but my problem is that “exactly what I wish” changes frequently. Plus, the wish list doesn’t contain one item in each category. For example, perhaps you wish to have a tasty filet mignon this evening–medium rare with a salty mushroom sauce. Ah, but what happens when you arrive at food trough and find there’s a dinner special of king crab legs with warm, melted butter? You may wish for that.

Self-help gurus would point to that situation and say you were not aware of what you really wanted, but the Universe was, and your wish was manifested because of your unintended intent. Hogwash!

Wouldn’t a superior strategy be to have a general idea what you want (a tasty dinner), instead of exactly what you want (an 8 oz. filet, tender enough to be cut with a fork)? This lessens the odds of disappointment and saves time wasted choosing from all the possibilities.

Don’t be so damn exact about things you want, except sexually.

I’ve dated quite a few women who had a tendency to play hide-and-seek with their desires. This sets me up for failure, them up for disappointment, and many nights when I have exclusive control of the remote. Well, that’s not so bad. Sexually speaking (yes, I know where the clit is), women have dissimilar wishes. It’s certainly not one-maneuver-fits-all. The base wish for the typical woman is to have a man find all the right spots, kiss and touch them the right way, then find spots she wasn’t aware she had. It’s like having a “some assembly required” toy with no instructions. Sure, she knows exactly what she wishes, and he’s probably capable of coming close, but a rare woman will lay it out for him before he starts unwrapping.

I recommend you be precise about things you don’t want. You didn’t want a treadmill for Christmas, did you? Did Santa know that? Obviously not. Should he have known? Well, sure, but you chose him, which means you must have wished for a man who doesn’t know your wishes. You could have taken Santa to the mall, gotten a map from customer service, and used a red Sharpie to cross off the “bad” stores. Then, you could have avoided further disappointment by taking him into a few stores, pointing to certain items in the displays, and saying “yes, blowjobs” or “no blowjobs.”

Go at life like you would a game of “Hot or Cold” instead of “Fish” and you’ll be happier. I guarantee it.


“Do you want to see a movie tonight?”


“Have one in mind?”


“How about The Hobbit?”

“Too kid-sy.” (Go fish.)

Django Unchained?”

“Too violent.” (Go fish.)

“A romantic comedy, perhaps.”

“I don’t care.” (A lie.)

“How about Parental Guidance. That looks funny.”

“It got 19% on Rotten Tomatoes.” (Go fish.)

“Fuck it. I’m going to the pub. Bye.”

Hot or Cold:

“Want to see a movie?”

“Yes, nothing sci-fi or violent.”


“Sure. Something Oscar-nominated.”

“How about Lincoln?”


Much better. This women changed her life and did, had, be’d exactly what she wished, while her man avoided coming home to a pillow and blanket on the sofa.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.