Too Lazy To Date


I’ve been reading a few articles about how singles have become too passive to find love. (Uh, guilty.) The typical reasons given include too many options, meaning both too many people and microbrews to choose from. Seems some boys are preferring Mission Blonde over the Mission Beach blonde. Others seek the elusive Belching Beaver. It’s understandable. Beer is good.

Even with dating apps, dating quickly becomes ponderous. Swipe, wait, reply, wait, deliver compliments, wait, create a wittier reply, wait, ask when you can meet, and wait some more. In the odd chance you’ve made it this far down Bumble Road, chances are you’ll meet your disappointment and regret all that time spent swiping and tapping. That has caused yours truly to put down the phone and order another beer.

There are still singles mixers all around. Unless you’re an extrovert, these can also be stressful and fruitless. Who wants to compete with hair-dyed, Botox’d, Corvette man Dan? Who wants to compete with extended-hair, fluffy-lipped, on eager-to-please Lisa? Mixers are like job fairs — twenty interviews testing the limits of your desperation.

It’s so much easier to choose the next beer. In the mood for blonde or dark? Heavy or light? Strong or sensible? Sure, beer is sometimes bitter, but that bitterness helps you appreciate the next beer more. If I were a beer, what would I be? Arrogant Bastard? Sometimes. Ultra Light? Rarely, unless prepping for a colonoscopy. Cali Creamin’? Well, there’s that.

How do you fell about all of this? Are you too married to date? Well, that’s quite different. Are you too happy with your current mate to date? Sure, you are. Or, are you too content to be single to date? See? I like that description much more than laziness. It’s not like I’m choosing to nap over dating … often. I mean, my La-Z-Boy is quite wonderful, and I do have a fully-stocked wine shelf. That’s not a sign of laziness. Let’s call it self-sufficiency.

When serving beer I often coach the beer-less. Maybe that’s what I need — a coach to motivate me to put in the work it takes to land a lover. Once I narrow down the beer-seeker’s choices and they finally select one, they’re delivered a satisfying experience — be that for fifteen minutes or so. Guess that’s often like selecting a lover — enjoyably fleeting.


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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.