The Problem with Fidelity

People are tweet-a-licious over the latest Ashley Madison website drama. Seems someone hacked the site and exposed information of people registered there. They exposed a hypocritical douche (Josh Duggar) for his extra-marital exploits after championing family values.

See, I don’t care if the guy cheats on his wife. That’s between them. What bugs me is when people hide behind veils of holiness and righteousness, judging others while rolling around in the very slop they criticize.

Enough about hypocrites. Let me cover this cheating thing again.

If a wife (no, I don’t have one) wants to have an affair, it’s because her husband is not fulfilling a need of hers. Who’s to blame? Both. If she expressed her desires to her husband, and he neglected to comply, then why shouldn’t she get some side action? Oh, because she promised not to when she got married? But, the terms of that promise were not kept by her husband, right? Doesn’t sound to me like he is honoring and cherishing her. She has a right to be happy and satisfied, and no paper will dissolve her desire.

Say, for example, she loves having her feet massaged. What if her hubby hates feet? That may not have been pre-maritally exposed. Or, what if he would rather someone else rub her feet while he watches the game? If it gives him a happy roommate and leaves him with clean hands, that’s his choice. But, if he refuses to rub her feet, and absolutely forbids ANYONE from rubbing her feet, he’s being selfish, and pushing her toward another rubber.

I’d love to be all some woman needs. I can’t control that. Even if the woman I’m with claims I’m it, how would I know if she’s not simply being kind? And, if I happen to be it, there’s no guarantee I’ll be it forever, even if we both try our best to keep me in her pleasure zone.

People are going to stray. It sucks, but it’s genetic. Loyalty will always depend on opportunity. There’s a scenario where you would be unfaithful. It may involve a movie star, alcohol, or a moment of fuck-it-tude.

The best defense is a shrug.

I’ve cheated and been cheated upon. I see both acts as selfish, but only destructive if done with the intent of hurting someone, not pleasing oneself.

I was madly in love and had the woman of my dreams tear my heart from my chest, and smash it with a croquet mallet. I was hurt, depressed, and embarrassed. Then, I realized—after the wound began scabbing—that what she did, while careless, was never done to hurt me. It was done for her pleasure. It happened because I didn’t fulfill her needs.

So, now my wall is high, and my heart is wrapped in Kevlar. If my love strays, I’m disappointed, not injured. In fact, I’m partly relieved to find out sooner than later so I can cut my losses.

Ashley Madison didn’t hurt anyone. The hackers who exposed the subscribers have done all the damage. Yet, much like the bullet and the shooter, thanks to the media, we’re horribly deluded and distracted. Pity.

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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.

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