The Narcissistic Generation

Social media has created an entire generation of look-at-me people. What happened to doing things without considering how to post it and many likes it might get? This attention whore dysfunction has bled into disconnected activities. Pfizer needs to come up with a cure before I tear through my favorite bar’s gin supply while self-medicating.

Here’s an example. Last night, in a public bar (as opposed to a fucking ballroom, where this might have been acceptable), a pre-wedding party took over the lounge area, featuring two of the groomsmen playing guitar. If those two groomsmen were Jason Mraz and Eric Clapton, it might have been acceptable. They weren’t. It wasn’t.

Still, these mediocre strummers crooned and waited for applause, which their relatives and partners provided, not because they necessarily enjoyed the performance, but to be supportive. Think about it, people: What are you supporting? Are these guys on their way to landing a lucrative music deal? Nope. So, you’re encouraging their hobby, which is annoying the other 100 people who came to the bar to drink beer and watch football.

If people want to pull these stunts, they should follow their social media behaviors by providing Like and Dislike capabilities. How about two jars? One empty “Like” jar for people to deposit free drink vouchers in appreciation for the fine rendition of “Ring of Fire.” One full “Dislike” jar (filled by Jason and Eric Wannabe), with free drink vouchers that people like me can use to sedate ourselves so we can tolerate being serenaded by duo-douchery.

Guess my generation didn’t spend as much time being judged and getting undeserved attention. Sure, I write to get reactions. Positive reactions are wonderful, but I’m not staring at my Instagram post for an hour waiting for likes and thereby judging my worth to society.

But, these phone-thumbing twats are so attention spoiled, every act is considered based on whether it can be posted, and how many “Likes” it should gather.

I liked it better when we were human beings, not human postings. I loved it when people did spontaneous things because they enjoyed doing them, not because it might get them a dozen more followers.

Can’t we go back to that? Please? Can Pinfacefuckgram get hacked and fade away so we can get back to reading the funnies? Are we stuck with this social media cult? Is this the new religion?

Look, I’m somewhat guilty as well. I had a new mattress delivered yesterday and, before I could surf on memory foam, my fat bastard cat, Symon, climbed up, sprawled out, yawned, and said, “Thanks for my new bed, Pops. Fetch thee a comforter, pronto.” (I took the liberty of translating his kitty talk.) So, I took a picture of his lazy ass and posted it. Did I do this hoping it would go viral, and land me on Ellen? Um, fuck, no. I did it because I thought it was cute, and I wanted to be able to remember this point in time, where my sex life was so non-existent that my cat had more fun with a Tempurpedic than I could.

Now, please like and share this. Use the hashtag #yerass.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.