“Small opportunities are often the beginnings of great enterprises.” – Demosthenes

Online dating presents small opportunities. Who knows? One or more of those opportunities could grow into a substantial enterprise, including stimulating discussion over dinner, couch cuddling, and epic sex. Well, that’s the intention: Invest $25 a month, plus hours crafting a clever profile, weeding out prospects, and soliciting those with potential; invest first date money as you interview a dozen applicants; and land one, if you’re lucky.

The main problem I see with this model is — as it is in singles bars — the passive person gets the leftovers if anything. When you sit back and wait for people to contact you, you’ll be primarily contacted by people below your line of acceptability. (This is a poorly-placed line because your ego sets it, and your ego is least qualified.) For most men, the passive strategy is particularly fruitless. I’ve tried it for the past two months, received over 100 emails, and found maybe one woman attractive. Yes, I have an elevated self-impression. Sure, (female) friends would suggest I not discard the email and “Give a girl a chance. You might hit it off.” Nope.

If a man is not initially physically attracted to a woman, there’s nothing … fucking nothing she can do with words or personality to overcome it.

Part two of my game plan begins in March. This is where I actively pursue women well above my line of acceptability. Sure, that’s going to suck for most of those women who are not looking for a sarcastic old prick with two cats and zero religions. Yet, men can indeed overcome attraction deficiencies. We use what I like to call the Pug Puppy Strategy. We can become ugly cute with proper placement of finance, dedication, and humor. How might one use the Pug Puppy Strategy online? Simple. Write something clever and customized to contain numerous direct references to the target’s profile and the things she loves. Give compliments, but don’t overdo it. (YES – What a great picture. That ocean background makes your lovely eyes pop. NO – Your boob valley is fucking epic.) No need for self-deprecation at this point, but suggest a brief meeting just to see if there is any chemistry. Say something like, “Even if we don’t hit it off, it still would be cool to meet, and maybe we’d wind up being good friends.”

Once the woman agrees to meet for a beverage, this is where the man needs to stick to the game plan. Any deviation will ruin his chances.

  • Open doors, pull out chairs, and pay tabs.
  • Face her, look in her eyes, and touch her only if she gives you an opening. Best to stay with hands and elbows at first.
  • Ask questions about her favorite things. Get details.
  • Add moderate amounts of alcohol and dessert.
  • Do not allow TV, phones, or other women distract you.

Her first reaction of “Jesus, why don’t I ever trust my instincts,” may be overcome. It takes time. Don’t be dissuaded by the wrinkling of her nose. Keep working on getting to “yeah, but.” That’s the tipping point where she has found sufficient non-physical reasons to grant physical benefits. Ain’t it sweet?

I’m lining up my prospects as we speak. Time will tell if I become an over-achiever or just another over-ambitious douche.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.