Recipe: Mug Cake

Sounds kind of gross, huh? Almost like “meat cake.” Well, it’s not gross; it’s delicious and pretty easy to make, or this lazy ass right here wouldn’t bother.

Shit you need:

  • A mug. (Fucking duh.)
  • Butter
  • Sugar
  • Eggs
  • Sour Cream
  • Vanilla
  • Flour
  • Baking Powder
  • Brown Sugar
  • Cinnamon
  • Paddles to revive you from the heart attack in a mug.

It’s tasty. Forget about your waistline. Skinny people suck.

Directions:

  • Soften the butter. No, don’t beat it. Nuke it for a few seconds. A few too many seconds and it will foam up, boil over, and fuck up your day.
  • Mix 1 tablespoon of butter and 2 tablespoons of sugar in the mug. Yes, two. If you use Stevia here, I will un-friend your ass.
  • Now stir in one egg (whole fucking egg), 2 tablespoons of sour cream, and a couple two tree drops of vanilla extra.
  • In a separate bowl, not the fucking mug, mix 1/4 cup of flour, 1 tablespoon of brown sugar (How come you dance so good?), and 1 teaspoon of cinnamon.
  • Mash a tablespoon of butter into the bowl. Use a fork. Don’t use your fingers, because the goop will get under your nails, and fuck up your day.
  • Sprinkle the end result (redundant douche am I) over the slop in the mug.
  • Cook it in the microwave for around one minute on high. Oh, I shouldn’t need to mention this, but you should not be using a metal mug here. If you do, it’s most definitely gonna fuck up your day and your cake … and probably your microwave. People will point at you and laugh. They’ll call you stupid. OK, you’ve been warned.
  • You’ll know it’s ready when you can stick a toothpick into it, and the toothpick comes out dry, just like my [blank] after a long [blank] session.
  • Let it cool. Eat it. Tell your office mates to get their own.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.
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