Pranks are funny, until you’re caught.

It is wise to be careful when posting updates to Facebook. I understand that some people want to share updates immediately to get attention, alert friends, or archive the memory. But, this over-connected world of ours leaves us exposed to jokers.

I recently made the mistake of announcing that I was leaving town. What I did not announce was that I recently had security cameras installed at my house. The former gave two female friends mischievous thoughts after a few too many adult beverages. The latter captured the deed and saved this old man from coming home to a not-so-fine mess.

Sure, I’ve performed a few pranks–even was caught, occasionally. It’s the same progression for adults as it was for me as a child.

  1. You’re caught.
  2. Denial.
  3. Insistence and demand for remedy.
  4. Denial.
  5. Warning about the possession of evidence.
  6. Denial.
  7. The presentation of evidence.
  8. Lie.
  9. Threats to make the evidence public.
  10. Excuses (usually involves alcohol).
  11. Refusal to accept the excuse.
  12. Sadness, panic, delay.
  13. Final warning.
  14. Admission along with an attempt to make light of it.
  15. Anger, and demand for remedy within a time limit.
  16. More sadness, guilt, shame, inconvenience, remedy.
  17. Smugness and less trust.
  18. Embarrassment and (let’s hope) additional consideration before next prank.

That was the path the evil-doers followed as I sat poolside, watching the security video on my smartphone of them toilet-papering my entrance. I watched and sent warning texts. They finally relented, gathered the necessary cleaning products (ladders, brooms, and a tall person), and returned to my house to clean the mess. Yes, I got to watch that live on my phone, between sips of frosty cold Coors Light.

Now, I’m well aware that my next prank will likely be thwarted, because that’s how Nature keeps things in balance. Still, I’m going to fucking gloat over this small victory, as there can never be too many celebrations in one’s life.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.


  1. Phil my friend, somehow you appeared in my dreams last night, thought that may be a good omen & decided time to buy your books on amazon.After I was able to get a break, (we’ve had a power reduction load today here at lehigh 2 damn hot), on my feet from 3:30 to 7, finally able to look ya up & ta-da , here we are! I’d send ya many more words, but I still have some work to do, Phil, I’m quite astonished & amused of the life you have now, it’s been my pleasure discovering this. When you have a moment, hopefully we can continue on, been awhile since we talked & man, I always knew you were a “cool’ dude, take care Phil!!
    Laine :)

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