Oh, for fuck’s sake.

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This is the thought that goes through my mind most. Unsure what the origin of the phrase is but I do adore it. Literally, it makes little sense. I suppose I could be doing something for fuck’s sake like Bumbling or Tindering. Those would be more aptly for “trying to get laid.” Or, should the term be “fucks'” sake? I mean, most people looking to get fucked are seeking multiple fucks, not just that one heart-stopping orgasmic trip into the afterlife.

I’m sure the online pedias describe this phrase to be an expression of exasperation. Yep. What they say. I’m often fucking exasperated. I mean, for fuck’s sake, why must my neighbor park his big, ugly, tiny-penis-coping truck in front of my house? Because he’s a self-important oblivious-to-others twatwaffle. True dat.

For fuck’s sake, why do men at the gym grease up, tat up, and pose in the mirror? Do they think the rest of us are admiring them like a statue of David? Do they assume men don’t notice other men and only hot women see and appreciate their disproportionately bulbous bodies? Just fucking ew, Arnold. Cut it out.

For fuck’s sake, why am I stuck in the passing line behind Wendy, who is alternating between adding eyeliner and texting Rebecca? She’s swerving all over the road and driving 10MPH under the speed limit. Oh, for fuck’s sake, can’t she see the words I’m mouthing? Maybe it’s better she can’t.

For fuck’s sake, why is it once I get one debt paid off another bill comes along? It’s partly because Amazon keeps sending me “buy this, you need this, put it on your Amazon card” alerts. Bastards.

Oh, for fuck’s sake, why is Grammarly warning me that my tone here sounds “disapproving” and I should consider the tone before sending it? Fuck you, Grammarly. This isn’t me being disapproving. I’m venting with a side of exasperation. Don’t be so judgy.

*NOTE: Grammarly is software that gently (my ass) guides one toward writing more properly. It’s like a nosy Aunt staring at me disapprovingly over her reading glasses whilst consuming my salty prose.

For fuck’s sake, why does every non-California acquaintance of mine assume that any earthquake or fire in California might be in my backyard? California is really fucking big — like four Pennsylvanias. Yes, I’ve seen fires. Yes, I’ve felt a quake. Yes, I appreciate your concern. Yes, you know I live near San Diego and yes, you have fucking Google, so Google that shit and, for fuck’s sake, stop texting me to prove you still like, love, or secretly hate me hoping I shake, burn, and die.

For fuck’s sake, why do people show up to work sick? This is why you have sick days. It’s not only for you to have time to relax and recover; it’s so that you don’t spread your fucking disease to other workers and customers. Oh, and for fuck’s sake, get a goddamned flu shot, will you? Christ. Don’t believe any of that anti-vax horseshit, either. Ask any doctor if they get a flu shot, then, for fuck’s sake, get yours … and get it before you get the flu.

For fuck’s sake, why am I venting? Well, it’s cheaper to slap these keys than to sit on a therapist’s sofa. I mean, for fuck’s sake, I know me better than any therapist and fuck her and her essential oils, crystals, and Bible passages. I’m a fucking mess just like everyone else. For fuck’s sake, let a fella vent, will ya?

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.