NOT to do list for new relationships.

A friend is visiting from back east this week. She met a man on a dating site. They had some online banter, and she requested more pictures from him since the ones on his profile were mostly headshots. That’s a reasonable request, right? He asked for her mobile phone number so he could send the pictures. She complied. He sent (attached) a self-portrait naked in bed. With the corny caption: “*Stretch, Yawn* Do I have to get up? G’ mornin’.”

What do you predict her reaction was?

  1. “Damn, that’s hot! Wish I were there to get you up.”
  2. A picture of herself naked.
  3. Lose my number, quick.

If you chose #3, you were correct.

This is a grown man who needs to be schooled on dating etiquette. He sent this picture to one woman. How many people does he assume have seen it? Probably one. In reality, she has shown dozens, and I just posted it here to thousands. Now, this guy quite possibly has a massive ego and is unfazed and flattered by the spread of his nonsense. If nobody calls him on it, he’ll continue doing it. I’m confident he will eventually find a woman who finds it sexy. Maybe he’s strong enough to shrug off the misfires until he meets that woman.

“Dude. I’m sorry, but it’s just creepy,” is what I’d like to tell him.

Another thing people tend to do early in relationships is mention an ex. Bad move–not sometimes, every time. If you trash your ex to your next, you’re showing the person you haven’t healed. How many times have you had boyfriend wind up back with the ex he trashed thoroughly? It happens all the time, Sugartoe.

“I can’t believe he went back to her.”
“How do you know he did?”
“He friended her on Facebook and is tagged in photos with her.”
“OK, that’s slightly stalkerish on your part.”
“It came up on my wall.”
“Bull poopers. Don’t go looking for dirt if you don’t want to get dirty.”
“He said all sorts of awful things about her, including how crazy, controlling, and sexually dull she was. Why would he go back to that?”
“Because she’s really not all those things. He described her that way to justify the split to himself and to disarm you in case she appears in the vicinity.”

If he speaks too highly of his ex, this also waves the yellow flag of caution. It could signal that he’s not over her. This puts the new woman in a defensive posture and ruins the game.

This, among other reasons, is why exes should not come up in conversation. Exes are like sewage treatment plants: We all know they’re around, but nobody wants to visit them.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.
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