Nice Knowing You

“What are you doing up so early?”
“Finishing my sixth book.”
“Can I read it?”
“That depends on if you’re feeling paranoid or not.”
“Why? Did you write about me?”
“Like I said.”
“Six books. Maybe you should take a break. Come back to bed.”
“I can’t.”
“I think you’re addicted to the internet.”
“If you say so.”
“You spend eight hours a day staring at a computer screen–weekends too.”
“Well, that’s my job.”
“You’re not writing all that time.”
“True. Do you have any idea how many undiscovered boobs there are online?”
“So you’re surfing porn.”
“Perish the thought.”
“Come back to bed where there are live, touchable boobs waiting.”
“All right, after I finish this piece.”

Fifteen minutes later she confronts me, fully dressed while carrying her overnight bag, iPhone, and runny eyes.

“Where are you going?”
“You don’t love me. You love Facebook and Twitter, but you don’t love me.”
“That’s not true.”
“Which part?”
“Just give me five more minutes.”
“If you love me, say the words.”
“You can’t, can you?”
“How about I make some blueberry pancakes?”
“See? You’re emotionally shut down.”
“Come here. Sit on my lap.”
“Say those three words.”

I stare at her with a blank expression. She pirouettes, bounds down my stairs, opens the front door, and tries once more.

“This is your last chance, Nice Guy: Say those three words or I’ll be out of your life.”
“Nice knowing you.”



Look for my sixth book in the Nice Guy Series entitled Nice Knowing You, available in March 2012. I humbly appreciate your support and wish you a nice 2012.


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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.