This affliction works both ways, but, since I usually wind up counseling the damsel in distress, I’ll analyze why women return to men who have mistreated them. I rarely have women return to me, so my methods of mistreatment must be exceptional. Not proud. Just sayin’.
The top reasons why women return to horrible mates:
- Embarrassment associated with admitting relationship failure.
- Other parties are involved, such as children and pets, so it’s done for their sake.
- Sex was horribly good.
- Dating since him has been tedious, fruitless, and quite scary at times.
- Low self-esteem or some other psychological issues, probably due to having a horrible daddy, which is the worst kind of man because you can’t leave that jerk behind.
While these are understandable reasons, they aren’t good ones. Any man who mistreats you needs to be excused from your presence … forever. Perhaps I need to define mistreatment, so you don’t kick you prince to the curb for something inane like putting the toilet paper roll on backward. I shouldn’t need to define it. You have this wonderful built-in pinch detector. If he does something and it hurts, there’s an indication of mistreatment. All you need to do is determine if it was intentional. If it was, he hurt you on purpose, he goes out with the trash. If it was accidental, you need to let him know it hurts, so if he does it again, it’s time for a man recycle.
These are mistreatments:
- Physical abuse.
- Verbal abuse, including yelling at you or demeaning you.
- Disloyalty (when loyalty was mutually agreed upon).
I just heard a collective, “No shit, Phil.” So, you’re telling me you know this, and you’d never return to a man who treated you this way. Really? Never? Then, are my eyes and ears deceiving me? Oh, I’m sorry. You’re saying, “He’s changed.”
No, he hasn’t.
Any man who displays those abusive traits may, indeed, make a concentrated effort to change. He might find Jesus or a therapist. He might change his diet and exercise habits. He might throw attention and gifts your way. Great. How long will that last? How long before he returns to his core behavior? Days or weeks? He cheated on you? How long before his next affair? What about you changed to keep him loyal? Forgiveness? Nope. Your forgiveness taught him he can do it again, and win you back.
You wouldn’t go back to grade school, would you? Why? Because you learned. Treat him like likewise, and leave him behind like times tables, state capitals, and cursive.
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