Love is a piece of cake.

The key to happiness: Don’t be needy or needed.

Have you ever noticed that the most attractive people are independent? The people who need you the least are the ones you want to spend the most time with. Why is that? It’s because they owe and offer no services to you and require nothing from you. They’re free entertainment. There’s no obligation either way so you’re free to come and go as you please.

I have a guest on my weekly webcast this coming Monday who is a dating and relationship expert. I have never met her but heard her described as oozing sexuality. Well, that certainly has my interest piqued. I’ll bring a hanky. Still, I bet she’s single as most matchmakers and relationship experts are.

Since I recently exited yet another relationship, I anticipate a well-deserved scolding about how I don’t open up and dedicate enough of my time (what time?) to nurturing my relationships. Allow me to preminisce (my new word):

“How many serious relationships have you been in since your divorce?”
“A couple.”
“How long did they last.”
“A couple months.”
“That’s not a serious relationship.”
“Ya think?”
“Fine. When’s the last time you were in love?”
“May eighth of last year at around one in the afternoon.”
“Wow, she must have been special for you to recall it in such detail.”
“Yes. She was warm dark chocolate cake with peanut butter icing. I’m becoming aroused as we speak.”
“See, that’s your problem: You don’t take relationships seriously. How can you expect to find love?”
“I can’t. I expect to find happiness with or without a copilot.”
“Don’t you seek companionship?”
“Sure.”
“… with something other than a dessert?”
“Can’t I have both?”
“What about sex?”
“With a pastry?”
“No, jackass, with a woman.”
“All right.”
“I mean, don’t you want to have lots of affection and sex.”
“Define ‘lots.'”
“You know, five or six times a week.”
“You frisky little vixen, you.”
“It may be a medical problem. You could be running low on testosterone.”
“Or, I could be preserving it and my sanity.”

Yes, as I age I’m not quite as sexually-centered as I used to be, but I have my moments. It has little to do with my hormone levels and more to do with maturity and being honest with myself. Sometimes with some women, I desire frequent bonding; with others, occasional linking is fine. Either way, I don’t need to have a girlfriend, roommate, or wife to be happy. I don’t need lots of sex. Sure, I want it, but not when it comes attached to drama. In that case, a few yanks and a towel keep me from acting needy, and I’ve found the less needy I am, the more attractive I become. Strange.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.
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