It Takes Two


Now hold on just one second there, Sister Theresa. These much-hated men aren’t out screwing tree stumps; there are women on the other end of those affairs. I’m not making excuses for the disloyal among us, just reminding all the pig pointers that it takes two to make a thing go wrong.

The women involved in these celebrity affairs have a tendency to gain sympathy and popularity. Why? How often are these women unaware that the men they bed are committed to others? Rarely. No doubt, the men are making some outrageous promises in order to quicken the parting of the thighs, but the “victims” usually play their roles voluntarily.

Here are the top reasons why a woman would sleep with a man who is in a committed relationship with another:

  1. I didn’t know. (Oh, bullshit.)
  2. His relationship is failing. (It is now.)
  3. He promised he’d leave her for me. (Of course, he did.)
  4. I’ll lure him away. (No, you won’t.)
  5. I don’t like his woman and I want to hurt her. (What goes around …)
  6. I really don’t care what his status is. I’m doing this for me. (Well, at least you admit it.)
  7. I don’t want to know. (But you do, don’t you?)

Don’t women ever think the man’s cheating sets a precedent? If he cheated on her with you, don’t you think it’s likely he’ll cheat on you with the next one? I always think of that when I’m with a taken woman. (If you just gasped, quit it.) I consider that she’s probably a short-term lover since I can’t see myself changing someone’s ways. Short-term love is better than no love, isn’t it?

My sarcasm leads one to believe I’m disloyal and untrustworthy. Untrue. I can be loyal. I admire loyalty when it’s not forced. I don’t want anyone to stay with me for any reason other than she wants to be with me. I don’t want her to stay because of the cats, kids, or threats from lawyers or deities. If I annoy my woman to the point where she’s tempted to be pollinated by another, she should leave (preferably before the pollination).

I guess that’s the main rub here: men who cheat instead of leaving. They’re so greedy and hurtful.

I have numerous acquaintances who break up and get back together more often than I change my home’s air filters. Inevitably, something comes out along with the excuse, “But, it was while we were taking a break.” Then there’s that to deal with. The guilt whip will be deployed henceforth upon every bump encountered.

I don’t feel sorry for the wives or mistresses any more than I hate the men who cheat. I’m not in any position to judge them. I feel sorry for people who are trapped in dysfunctional relationships.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.