Insecurity Wanes

Have you ever thought about how your insecurity has changed over the years? Jealousy and envy seem to fade as we age. I remember being crippled by the thought of my high school sweetheart so much as kissing another boy. Now, if my woman is getting side action, I give minuscule shit, as long as his spunk stays off me.

Wonder why that is? Biological thing, I suppose. During prime mating years, we are in competition mode to get our genes spread. Once those years pass, it’s more about pleasure than reproduction. Plus, we are aware of all the cost and drama associated with spouses and offspring, so we tend to lean away.

As a young lad, if there was any mention of a prior lover, my mind would spin out into comparing my skills versus his, and if she loves me more. If his cock was larger, he made her come more often, or he was a superior anything, news of such could send me into depression.

Now, if a mate gets that eye-sparkle when the ex is mentioned, I simply ask, “What did he do for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“What did he do that made him worthy of your admiration and dedication?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes, you do. Look, if you want him back, keep his skills secret. If you want me to improve and exceed expectations, I need to know which skills to work on.”

“I don’t want him back, silly.”

“That’s nice of you to say. All right. I’ll lead with an example. What if I tell you my ex-wife gave amazing blow jobs, resulting in my fondest toe-curling orgasms?”

“Ew. I don’t want to hear that.”

“Yes, you do, and here’s why: Because, you want to supplant her. Second place sucks. Just ask the Warriors.”

“How does knowing your ex-wife is the Lebron James of beejays help me?”

“… by asking me what made her beejays better. Then—and here’s the most important part—use that information to mimic her style, and improve thereupon.”

“Fine. What made her beejays so special?”

“Oh, I was just using that as a hypothetical case.”

“So, your ex wasn’t a beejay specialist?”

“I didn’t say that either.”

“Men.”

“You’re not ready, grasshopper. A bit more skin toughening and we’ll go there. For now, feel secure in the fact that your skills are superb, or I’d have departed.”

If that conversation made you uneasy, you could use some toughening, too. Lose the fear, my dear. Inform your mate, and sleep better.

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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.

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