Why do good girls like bad boys?

Many things don’t go together well. If you’ve just brushed your teeth and you’re craving orange juice, don’t do it or you’re about to prove my point. So, why must we force together things that are best left apart? Toddlers learn quickly that square pegs don’t fit in round holes, but adults keep forcing it instead of finding a fit.

Take the case of the good girl and the bad boy. They don’t fit except for the twenty minutes or so it takes them to pound pelvises. They say a man wants his woman to be a princess in the street and a ‘ho in the bedroom. Well, it seems a woman wants her man to be a personal assistant in the street and a lizard-tongued, tatted-up scruffball with a huge, numb penis in the bedroom.

Do I sound bitter?

If I hear one more woman tell me how nice I am, I’m shaving my head and buying a Harley. Her statement is a death knell. I realize the woman complimenting me has slotted me securely in the friend-I’ll-never-fuck column and that sucks for me. Meanwhile, she’ll answer dickhead’s text (with silly abbreviations, misspellings, and grammatical errors), she’ll rendezvous with his drunk ass, and believe him when he promises to pull out. Tomorrow, her friend (moi), will get the call begging me to join her for breakfast because she’s having a meltdown along with her eggs and the morning-after pill.

“What’s shakin’, sugarbacon?”

“I slept with Tony again last night.”

“What? I thought you said you were over him.”

“I am now. I’ll never do it again.”

“You said that too.”

“But, this time I mean it.”

“Heard that before as well.”

“He has this uncanny ability to sense when I’m vulnerable and that’s when he strikes. I can’t fight it.”

“Is his manhood so marvelous?”

“Well … it’s not just that.”

“Do tell.”

“He’s different. He takes control and ravages me. I can tell he’s really into it when we’re together and, sure, he’s a skilled lover. He’s emotional and savage.”

“But, once the sex towel comes out I bet he loses his charm.”

“He has no charm. You have charm.”

“… and, unfortunately, no nookiepuss to go with my manners.”

“Aw, you’ll find a nice girl.”

“No, I won’t. You know why?”


“Because you nice girls want bad boys. I’ll hold your door, pull out your chair, order a fine bottle of wine, and eventually find text messages you’re sending him about wanting to have sex with him for the last time again.”

“I would never …”

“You just did!”

“But, it’s different. I don’t have a serious boyfriend.”

“I bet if I ask the guy you’re dating, he’ll disagree.”

“I know. Damn it! It was foolish. You’re right. [Insert friend hug.] See? This is why I love you so much. You’re such a good friend who listens and knows how to talk sense into me. What would I do without you?”


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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.


  1. in a word…YUP!!

    Sometimes it’s like the callous disregard these guys have for the woman’s feelings is what make them want to try harder with him. Maybe they think they can change him or tame him?

    I mean look at Sandra Bullock. She wanted the tatted up bad boy and then she was shocked when that’s what she got.

    It’s a tale as old as time lol

  2. It’s true. You know it’s true. So you have two choices, give up being the nice guy, the “gay friend” or accept that most women don’t see you as a man. That doesn’t mean being an asshole or a user of women. It does mean being strong, assertive, loud sometimes, and taking space. It mean being dominant. Only a small subset of women want the real assholes and they are messed up, but most women do want a man dominant to them. Being kind and supportive has it’s place but so does being in your face and taking charge. It’s far more subtle than being an asshole or not being an asshole. I’ve played the role you are playing and I’ve seen other men do the same, and it doesn’t work with women unless you just want to be friends. Nice and kind isn’t sexy.

  3. Well Phil, at least your not a fat female! Wanna trade places? No matter what I do, I could have all the money in the world, be as loyal as a dog and give the most insanely good blow jobs anywhere any time for a man and I couldn’t get a man (a decent one anyways) to save my life. So life pretty much sucks for us all, please know that your not alone. Just enjoy being a man, cuz STILL your lives are so much easier it’s not even funny! :) and remember there is a big difference between being nice or being a wimp. Never confuse the two.

    PS Great article, sharing with my 23 yr. old niece who chases after the types of guys you talk about here, and it terrifies me.

  4. Love the blog.

    ‘One man’s ceiling, is another man’s floor.’ Ever consider a ‘bad girl’, they love the ‘nice guys’.

    Always went for the ‘bad boys’myself. I think it something to do with the mothering nature. Women think they will straighten him out. Not sure,maybe it was just the sex. (sorry about that).

  5. You got me thinking about these things, and so I wondered about my own situation. My husband could be considered both a *nice guy* and a *bad-ass.* He holds the door for me, helps me put on my coat, periodically cooks and cleans, among other things. He also brought a race car to the relationship, and rides sport bikes, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

    And honestly, I wasn’t going to ever date the guy. Except he pursued me like mad. He was persistent, and interesting. And I haven’t gotten bored with him once.

    I dated a lot before I got married, and I always gave people the benefit of the doubt. And sometimes things turned into serious relationships and sometimes they fizzled before they got started.

    Looking back, I realize the thing about *nice* is often it means *boring.* I could never date someone who was boring, but I could definitely be with someone nice/respectful.

    The other thing to think about is, who are these chicks you, *the nice guy,* are going after? Are they looking for something serious? It sounds to me like no. It sounds like they want drama and sex buddies who are going to treat them badly because they aren’t right with themselves. Do you really want to waste your time with someone like that? Or are you attracted to these women because they are broken and therefore unattainable, thereby making it safe to covet them?

    The best and easiest way to get a girlfriend/boyfriend is to not care if you have one. Instead enjoy being single and doing single things. This is where *nice* is also *interesting.* When your happiness doesn’t depend on another person, life gets a lot more fun. People like being around other people who are fun. When I decided I didn’t care if I ever found *Mr. Right* and would just be single, that was when my now husband started wooing me. It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true. Try it out. Let me know how it goes.

  6. Look at it this way: if you put a mouse in front of a button that dispenses cheese each te he hits it, the mouse will only hit the button when it’s hungry. If you put the same mouse in front of a button that only dispenses cheese on random occourences of the button being pushed, the mouse will hit the button incessantly, unsure when the cheese will come again. Bad guys are inconsistent, just like the second button. It’s instinctual to keep pushing the button.

  7. Maybe it is as simple as Bad Ass men make women feel safe, protected, small and female. To be on the arm of a tall muscled man with an attitude that every person you pass can see will do that for a women.

  8. I am loving your blog!

    This issue is a double-edged sword, and cuts on both sides of the proverbial equation. Many men claim that they would LOVE to meet an independent woman – one who can take care of her car, chop her own firewood, AND get the garbage to the curb each week without asking for their help.

    Until, that is, they meet such a woman. And then they don’t feel “needed” and it all falls apart. Of course, said woman doesn’t care that much because meh… she already took the garbage out this week and no thanks, her car doesn’t need an oil change.

    Is it too much to ask to find a man who values being wanted over being needed, over feeling Herculean and like a master problem solver? A man who is genuinely not looking for a “project”, but instead looking for a woman who already has her ducks in a row?

    Until I do, you will find me outside chopping firewood or rotating my tires. ;)

  9. Women are cheating sluts. They screw whenever they feel like it without regard for anyone’s feelings. Their mate can be the perfect companion, provider, and lover yet they can justify their behavior with any imaginary thing that pops into their head. Best thing to do is keep from getting married at all costs. At least you get to keep your stuff.

  10. Ouch. That was painful to read. I was cast into “The Friend Zone” for most of my single life and I hated it. I was always the good listener and gentleman, but I never got anything to show for it. The only women who put out for me where the ones I paid little attention to. Go and freakin’ figure.

  11. And don’t forget the old breakup/rejection line: “But we can still be friends.”

    Yeah, like I still want to be friends with a bitch that I just poured my soul out to, only to have it shat on!

    Unfortunately, most of them do want Mr. Tough Guy, and then when he beats the crap out of her, and leaves her as a single mother, she runs to Mr. Nice Guy and says something stupid like, “Where were you when I was looking for someone years ago?”

    “Uh, I’m the guy you shit on, remember?”

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