I Have a Tight Little Ass


Apparently. Well, she may have been drunk (likely) or visually impaired.

As I strolled through my workplace a woman called out to her female friend.

“Hey, sexy.”

I knew this was not meant for me, but I’ll graciously accept even misplaced flattery.

“Oh, hey yourself.”

“I’m sorry. I was talking to her.”

“Aw, shucks.”

“…, but you do have a tight little butt.”

“Why, thank you.”

If genders were switched I’d have been escorted away, at minimum. Yet, I’m unoffendable. I am a piece of meat and I am proud to play the role. I also don’t care who is delivering the compliment — it’s appreciated from dirty old men and school girls.

Now, as far as my ass being tight and little. Guess that’s in the eyes of the be-drunk-ass. I’ve always had a tiny ass I suppose. Why would women prefer a tiny ass, anyway? Better for tinier hands? I’d bet there are some who prefer a meaty muscular morsel. I suppose the less squishy the better. So, tight is good. Like all asses, mine is tight when clenched and loose while reclining. My cheeks clench when my ears absorb the whining of Millenials and deplorables.

I tend bar in an untucked shirt. This is comfortable. Tucking is sucking after age fifty. The tail of my untuckedness should have obscured my butt puppies. How could she discern the cuteness of my hineyness? I suppose the same way dogs like me can spot generous fun bags even when obscured by cloth.

Anyway, I know this is silly. Heck, she was kind so that’s all it takes. Yes, I know gender reversal makes the scene creepy. As it was, it was fine. I welcomed this brief remedy from the frustration of having a customer order “a beer.”

I’ll take a bike ride this afternoon to tighten up my tuckus in hopes of gathering more admirers of my silly ass.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.