How To Date Coworkers

Face it, you probably spend more time with coworkers than you spend with lovers. Why not combine the two? Well, aside from the possibilities of losing your job or spouse, I can see no reason. Have at him, my dear.

There are countless circumstances that could be in play. He could be:

  • Your boss – Danger level: 8
  • Your subordinate – Danger level: 9
  • Reporting to the same boss – Danger level: 7
  • In another department, in the same building – Danger level: 5
  • In another building – Danger level: 3
  • In HR – Add 1 to all above danger levels.

I must confess that I rarely follow my own advice. Once upon a time, in a corpocracy far, far away, I chased after an absolutely marvelous specimen who was in HR in the same building. It was a silly thing to do but, did I mention she was stunning? I know, I know. Her lovely figure could have cost me my six-figures. Yet, fuck me sideways, she was a goddess. *Sigh* OK. Never mind. I know female minds work differently. You can override your urges. I’m a beast. Apologies. Jesus, you can’t imagine how amazing her boobs were. Ah, and that ass. Oh, my. What? Right, right … sorry.

Anyway, you also need to consider your current situation. If you hate your job, scratch all that danger level stuff and go bang his brains out. If you get sacked after wrestling nude in his sack, no big loss. You’re up one orgasm. Screw Big Blue!

Now, there’s a possibility that you’re in some other awful situation, like married. Once you’ve reached sex-with-spouse level: boring and masturbation level: excessive, approaching tedious, you’re going to mount Manny in Marketing. It’s OK. Manny knows you’re married. Let’s hope he can be discreet. If he can’t, then deny everything, grab him by the nut sack and warn him that you’ll tear them from his body if he speaks of it again.

If you haven’t done the corporate deed yet (liar), be careful how you go about courting. Email, while convenient, is an unwise choice. Similarly, you should avoid Facebook messages, and texts. That shit can be easily discovered and hardly denied. Just approach him the old-fashioned way (face-to-face), and whisper your intentions. If he refuses, no skin off your knees. If he accepts, schedule a happy hour rendezvous at a place infrequently visited by nosy, jealous coworkers.

There are some odd work environments (yes, I fantasize about this shit), which I need to cover briefly. These are all highly recommended:

  • Police: Sex with a sergeant in a squad car.
  • Nurse: Sex with a doctor on a hospital bed.
  • Cheerleader: Sex with a literature professor. (I was never much of an athlete, but I could teach.)
  • UPS Driver: Sex with another driver in a brown van.
  • Nun: Sex with a priest in a confessional.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.
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