How To Date Confident Men

He’s a well-established man with a plan, and you might be part of it. Pay no attention to that alter ego behind the curtain. The man you want is in your face. He has a richly scented air about him. He doesn’t need you; he wants to embellish himself with you. You’re OK with that?

No woman wants some smarmy dude approaching her, no matter how chiseled he is. If he giggles and blushes, he’s not the boy for you. Timid men are repulsive, even rich ones. Make sure the candidate has substantial sperm lockers before wasting time on an emotional drain.

You need to understand Mr. King’s roots. His not-giving-a-shittitude is likely due to being turned down by dozens of women not normally available to him. That might make him sound like a player, but here’s the thing: If he can shrug off rejection, and step back up to the plate, he’s going to hit one out eventually. You could be the curve he’s seeking.

Unless you hang out at high roller tables, you’ll need to hunt for this beast. I advise you to begin at a bar. (Shocking. I know.) Get to know fine wine, and look for a dude with prime nectar in front of him. Also keep an eye out for Scotch drinkers, especially aged 18-plus (both the man and the Scotch, please). You see, Scotch tastes like smoky ass. If he’s spending $25 on a glass of smoky turpentine, you can bet he’s confident.

Your approach is key. Although you may not be submissive, you’ll need to play that role. Confident men aren’t looking for competition in the bedroom. Stroke his ego by complimenting his watch, wardrobe, and flashy white smile. Tell him you have a boyfriend who’s boring as daytime television. Hint that you’re considering an upgrade. Ask Mr. King for advice. He’ll leap to his feet, trash your imaginary boyfriend, and rescue you in his six-figure chariot.

Remember when you were young and Mom took you on a play date? You met the new kid. He had food on his face, his hair was messy, and his corduroy onesie was wrinkled. You couldn’t call a taxi, because you were five. You were stuck. Little Lou noticed your disappointment, and how did he win you over? He emptied the toy closet. Eventually, you found an item worthy of admiration, and he became your first (albeit spoiled milk smelling) love.

Roll forward thirty years and it’s the same game. Only, now your girlfriends dragged you away from the TV and introduced you to Mr. King. Sit back and watch him empty his adult closet. You’ll hear about his executive position, summer home, and coin collection. Dull, I know. You can smile, and show tiny hints of boredom. He’ll persist through your yawns and distraction. Eventually, he’ll bring up jewelry, handbags, and Italy.

*Ding, ding, ding!* Your attention, please. Time to look impressed, and fill your mental walk-in with all the shiny goodies coming your way!

The key to keeping the deposits coming is to continually show shock, awe, and appreciation. You can always keep a boy on the side, if necessary. Even if Mr. Confident finds out, his competitive nature won’t let him walk away from all he has invested in his lovely candy. Be sweet, and glitter on, my love.

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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.

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