As I wade and drink margaritas on my Mexican vacation, I notice numerous sparkles from the fingers and eyes of newlyweds. Meeting me and hearing what I do is likely cause for consternation.
“Ah, I kid. It’s all fiction, you know?”
“But, it’s based in reality.”
“So, what advice would you give newlyweds?”
“Enjoy it while it lasts.”
“Hate it while it lasts?”
“It’s supposed to last forever, isn’t it?”
“I’m a statistics man and the odds are it won’t.”
“Well, you asked. Look, my point is that you two should enjoy the heck out of what you have right now without worrying about what’s coming. Like this honeymoon (Ha, I just typo’d hineymoon … I’m such a hiney.), you know you can’t spend the rest of your lives here at this magnificent pool bar, so enjoy it now and avoid thinking about what’s next.”
The couples are cute reminders of a fun time for me over 20 years ago. The brides all have odd looks on their faces–a combination of relief and confusion. They buried themselves in wedding planning for a year or so and in a flash, it’s over. Now what? All that remains of the special day are thank-you notes and re-gifting. Some begin considering parenthood as the next destination. Again, I remind them to concentrate on the trip, not the destination. In other words, “Fuck a lot, while you both still enjoy it. Leave the baby-making to the storks.”
The grooms are definitely more chilled (until they check the bill). They have dessert, after-dinner drinks, cigars, and post-pool quickies. It’s all good. Hm. The other brides around the pool are still distracting. Oh, well. This French one over here is topless. Her perfect Hershey’s kisses sit high up on her breasts, making her a delicious dessert–an expensive one, should he ever foolishly indulge. No, marriage hasn’t taken away the instinct. That ring doesn’t cover his eyes. Yet, the cost of momentary weakness is staggering and he’s confident he can control himself. Good boy, for now.
Again, this is all sarcastic silliness with a dab of reality.
This much is true and I’ll testify to such on a stack of Oreos: Concentrate on growing your friendship, because if your marriage ends, the friendship will be the most wonderful thing you get to keep–not your children, not your pets, not your china, not your paycheck, not your memories. If you build that friendship into love, it can last much longer than the sexual fires you’ve stoked. You can love that person and forgive the way you would any close friend’s misdeeds. You can expose parts you’d be embarrassed to show others. You can be weak without fear of being judged.
Enjoy the honeymoon. Squeeze every drop from it. Play your role, but regularly remind your spouse of your admiration and appreciation. Commit to creating happiness in each moment. Your spouse is your best friend now. That friendship will get you both through the obstacle course you’ll face when the honeymoon ends.