Guys, This is Not OK

Although I realize we men are in large part oblivious dimwits, it boggles my mind when I hear stories about men saying totally inappropriate things. Do boners steal all self-control? Just because it’s something you’d love to hear from an attractive woman, doesn’t mean it’s OK for you to say it to her.

A lady friend went to collect her final paycheck from her boss. On the way out, he stopped her, and said, “You know, you’re really hot. I’d really enjoy fucking the shit out of you.”

It’s so wrong on so many levels. This jerk has no business being the boss of anyone, as he obviously can’t even control himself. Also, every woman (including his wife … yes, he is married) should be alerted to avoid him at all costs. This guy needs a heavy dose of ass-beating and therapy. No wonder I find timid women all around me.

My friend doesn’t work for him anymore, so he thought it was safe to say such a thing. Nope. Never. Not even if she hinted she was interested. Here’s when it might be appropriate for him to say that to her: after they’ve gone on numerous dates, they’re becoming intimate, and she says, “I love it when my man takes control and talks dirty to me.”

She defused the situation kindly, by saying, “Oh, don’t be silly. You’re married.” He deserved an arm-bar, not kindness.

She asks me, the King of Crass, what I think she should do. It sucks, but there’s little she can do. She doesn’t have any recorded evidence. It’s his word against hers, and she’s the jilted employee with a motive. He’s just another pig with a power penis, but there’s no proof.

She considers friending his wife on Facebook and filling her in, but she doesn’t want to ruin his family. I understand, but I have mixed feelings. I think his wife should know what a piece of shit she’s married to. Face it, she’s going to find out eventually. I say the sooner the better. “Your husband is despicable. Dump him, and find a better man.”

I said she’s best off letting it go unless he tries to stay in contact with her. If he steps over that line again, she should trap him and destroy him. All she’d need to do is get a text from him—maybe a picture. He shouldn’t be dumb enough to incriminate himself, but give a boner holder enough rope and he’ll hang himself with it.

Guys, you’re going to find a co-worker, bartender, friend of your daughter, and even a cousin attractive. Nothing wrong with that. You can appreciate art without stealing it. If you want to give a girl a compliment, go for it, but try to do it in a less creepy way, which doesn’t involve fucking shit, or brains, or the dog out of her. Try saying, “Hey, Julie, lookin’ good,” with a thumbs up. Fuck. Even that’s creepy. Just don’t do it.

Ladies, I apologize for my cave-manic kin. You shouldn’t have to tolerate this nonsense, and if you want to take remedial action, you should. You might be saving the next beauty from a beast without brains.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.
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