Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks – Chapter 2

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The interview begins.

“May I call you Beatrice?”
“No. You may call me Bea.”
“All right. Bea, as you can see, this NDA has been signed by me.”
“Would you like more chai tea?”
“Thank you, no, and touché, my sweetpea. I do have a question about the ground rules before we begin.”
“Yes?”
“It’s odd not being able to look you in the eyes. Where shall I look?”
“How about at my lips.”

Bea licks her glistening red lips sensually. I melt.

“Holy shit.”
“What did you say?” Bea asks as she leans forward.
“Um, sorry.” I can’t believe I just swore in front of the most influential woman in the county.
“I have this thing about swear words.”
“I apologize. I won’t let it happen again.”
“Why? I didn’t say it’s a bad thing, did I?”
“Huh?” Sexy and strange.
“Look, Silver, although I don’t use swear words, I’m not your typical lady. When a lover uses coarse language it makes me damp down there.”
“That’s fucking hot!” I try my luck.
“You’re not a lover, Silver… not yet.”
Yet?! “Oh. OK. I know you’re a busy woman, so let’s begin.”

I wriggle uncomfortably in my chair, pull my reading glasses from my shirt collar, slide them to the base of my nose, and flip open my legal pad.

“Don’t do that.”
“Bea, I can’t see the questions I’ve prepared without my glasses.”
“Don’t touch your nose.”
“What?” I do it again.
“Stop. I’m warning you, Silver.”
“Does it gross you out? Sorry.”
“No, it turns me on.”
“My nose?” Well, that’s a first.
“No, the act of touching it.”
“Do you want to touch my nose?” What a goddamned freak!
“What? No.”
“I’m sorry. Have I missed something obvious?”
“You don’t understand my world. It’s nothing you’ve ever been exposed to. I have certain needs and fetishes, and I can’t expect you to comprehend them.”
“Nose fetishes?”
“That’s one. I’ll try to explain it to you, but you’re not writing about this. Agreed?”
“Agreed.” I slowly scratch the tip of my nose.
“Oh, my god! Please stop.”
“Either tell me or I’ll do it again.”
“Your nose reminds me of my big beefy clitoris and when you touch it, it’s like you’re touching me.”
“There’s no fucking way your clit is as big as my Italian schnoz.” I exclaim as I pinch the tip.

Bea slaps her hands down on her desk, stands up, and glares at me.

“You just used the F-word again.”
“Bet your kinky fucking ass I did.”

She flies over the table knocking me and the chair over. She’s on top of my in full mount (as they say in MMA). I’m instantly erect as she balls my shirt up in each fist.

“You’re going to hockey bang me right here, right now, Silver, or I’m going to yell rape and have my assistant beat you to a bloody puddle.”
“Hockey bang?”

(to be continued)

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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.