Fifty Shades of Silver Hair and Socks – Chapter 11


It’s not my first choice for places to get it on, but definitely a first for me. My friend pokes her head in the bathroom door.

“Yo, Boss, you best be finishing up. Bogeys are closing.”

Bea plants a deep kiss on me, jumps off, lifts her panties, and leaves the stall. My legs are half asleep and my ass is killing me. She insisted we do it with the toilet seat up to teach me about manners since I left the seat up at the Hyatt.

“Goodbye, my love. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Wait … hold on,” I demand as I struggle to my feet and stamp my foot, trying to get the blood circulating again.
“Bea, I’m flying east tomorrow. Bea?”

It’s no use; she’s gone again.

I check myself in the mirror and splash water on my face. Ladies rooms are gross. Women can be such slobs. I wash my hands and open the door with the hand towel. Outside the bathroom are two police officers and an elderly woman. Yep, I’m fucked.

“That’s him officer. I saw him give money to what I assume was a pimp and then he went in there and had sex with that woman who just walked out. I could hear them. It was gross.”
“What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Officers, I can see how this strange situation could be misunderstood,” I dance with lies while Bea walks away smiling. She waves and winks. Got me again. “I actually saved that woman’s life.”
“Oh, yes. You see, I was just passing by when another woman came out and asked for help because somebody was in the bathroom … um … choking.”
“Choking? On what?”
“His penis, I bet,” the old woman interjected. We all stared at her incredulously. “Just sayin’.”
“An Altoid, actually. I ran in, performed a Heimlich maneuver, and saved her life. You’re welcome.”
“Look, sir, I don’t know what kind of sick bastard you are, but you need to leave this courthouse immediately.”
“What? You’re not going to let him go, are you?”
“Thank you, Officer. Good day.”
“He … but … he’s a pervert. Lock him up!”

I made haste. That could have gone much worse. What did Bea mean about seeing me tomorrow? She can’t be seriously considering coming east with me, can she? I can’t introduce her to my family. God, she’s so fucking amazing, though. I can’t believe I’m falling for her, even after all she puts me through. Bathroom stall or not, her kisses have changed. I think she’s falling for me too. We share something more substantial with every tryst. I’m losing control … and I love it.

(I’m lost in a daze.)

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Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.