Equation

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Words, words, words … it’s time for math. Math is concrete whereas words are open to interpretation. If I apply equations to my relationships, perhaps I can learn how to solve my problems.

Here is this week’s lesson plan:

a) Woman + (Martini x 3) = Phil – (10 x Years) – (10 x Pounds)
b) Mexican + Leaf Blower = Phil – Sleep
c) Cat x 2 = 0 x Vagina
d) Aloha Taylor – Panty Lines = Sunny Day + Boner
e) Wendy Williams – Wig = Arsenio Hall
f) Phil + (Time x Lots) = This
g) Phil + Bar + Open Seat = Opportunity
h) Girl – Instructions = Confusion
i) Wife – ((Husband x 2-Days) + Golf + Strippers) = Credit Card – Credit Limit + Shoes
j) Bartender + Cleavage = Phil – Money (not Phil + Sex)
k) Bed – Woman = (0 x Interruptions) + Farts
l) Shower + Soap – Woman + Imagination = Drain Babies + Disgust
m) Prius + Asian Driver = 12 x Angry Drivers
n) Man – Job + Video Game + Cheetos = 0 x Blowjobs
o) Cougar + La Crema Chardonnay + Big Ring + Bedazzle = Lay-up
p) Phil + Feather on a Stick = 2 x Confused Cat
q) Men’s Room + Attendant + Cologne + Mint = Empty Tip Basket + Floor Urine
r) Rear Window Decal = Minivan + Douche
s) Woman + Ovulation = Man + (Deep x Shit), but
t) Phil – Section of Vas Deferens = 0 x Babies = $0 x Child Support = 0 x Rubbers = Glee
u) Red Wine x 4 = Skull + Hammer
v) (Tequila x 4) + (Woman – Looks) = Mating Option
w) Biker + Shorts + Helmet + Clip Shoes = Moving Target
x) Salad + Cherry Tomato = Stain
y) First Date + (Name Dropping x Jesus) = Last Date
z) Head – Hair = Cap

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.