Nothing irks me more than entitled people. I understand that if we don’t ask for what we want, we probably won’t get it, but expectations are out of whack. Certain people unjustly expect to receive special treatment and they’ll whine and pout like children when disappointed.

A group of us was out having dinner recently and I overheard a woman express her disappointment in a man she just met because he didn’t offer to buy her dinner. That’s fucked up. If she were on a date with him, they would be realistic expectations. In this scenario, however, she came off to me as a high-maintenance snit. Since she likes to keep her hands in boyfriends’ pockets, she’s an ideal candidate to whore herself out to a rich/old/fat widower and live a miserable, shallow life.

If we lowered our expectations a notch, we’d all be happier.

Entitlement isn’t something that comes with youth, a vagina, fame, or a corner office; it’s earned and best balanced with appreciation. That’s why I don’t pass money to the cashier and stick my hand out without saying “thank you.” I appreciate the fair exchange of currency for services and hope the feeling is mutual so it can happen again.

I’m entitled to my opinion, which is that these people are NOT entitled:

  • Solicitors are not entitled to waste paper, postage, and resources by littering my mailbox, doorknob, and driveway with their sales pitches.
  • Parents are not entitled to disturb my meal or movie by refusing to remove their unruly children.
  • Bathroom attendants are not entitled to any compensation for providing a service I learned to provide for myself before grade school.
  • Slow drivers are not entitled to use the passing lane of the highway.
  • Bikers are not entitled to ride next to each other in the bike lane.
  • Famous people are not entitled to be left alone when the fame they enjoy is due to the attention they attract.
  • Dog owners are not entitled to ignore their dogs while they disturb non-dog owners.
  • Bouncers and bartenders are not entitled to card people (me) who are obviously older than they are. (I am often older than their fathers are. I’m not proud; just miffed.)
  • People pushing strollers are not entitled to clog the sidewalk. Keep to the right (or left in England).
  • People driving vehicles with handicap stickers are not entitled to handicap parking unless someone inside the vehicle is actually handicapped.
  • People with expensive cars, large pickups, or horrible parking skills are not entitled to take up more than one parking space.
  • Fans at any sporting event are not entitled to make personal verbal attacks on players, coaches, officials, or other fans.
  • A man with an attractive date is not entitled to be the only man in a public place to admire her beauty, respectfully.
  • Rich, old folks are not entitled to discounts.
  • Beachgoers are not entitled to play with balls or discs of any sort when errant ones might disturb another.
  • Partners are not entitled to intercept personal messages.
  • Hotel guests are not entitled to reserve chairs by the pool by placing towels on them.
  • Nobody is entitled to save a seat at the bar unless it’s for me.

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.