Author Phil Torcivia

Essays about life, love, and relationships.

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Category: sex

Unfortunately, I spend more time thinking and writing about sex than I do having sex. That doesn’t seem to change with age. Just about everything men do is toward the end of having more sex. Yet, I’m aware my writing about sex doesn’t help my case. This is why I drink.

torso
August 1, 2019

Another Step Toward Man Obsolete

One of the latest developments in sex toys is the man torso equipped with perma-boner. You may ask why I am aware of this….

July 16, 2015

She Likes The Fifty

When a new woman asks where I work, I usually say, “At home. My boss is a prick.” Once she realizes I am unmarried,…

April 13, 2015

Sexuality—All Flavors Are Delicious

We are gradually moving away from defining people by their sexual preferences. That’s wonderful, right? We really have no reason to care about another…

down
January 4, 2012

Soon, I’ll have it licked.

“What are you reading?” “You don’t want to know.” “Yes, I do.” “This is another reason why I have a Kindle: so you can’t…

wait phone
December 23, 2011

My lover went MIA.

This is a typical complaint I hear from ladies in the dating arena: “After I finally give in and sleep with a man, he…

lineup
December 22, 2011

The debate about multiple partners.

When is it OK to have multiple sexual partners? I have a hard enough time finding one; that’s why I’m asking. I guess if…

teacher
December 21, 2011

Lesson #1: How to avoid mistakes in the bedroom.

My little snow angel is away on maternity leave from the morning news, so why watch? Instead, this morning I dumped hot water onto…

rough in the sack
December 14, 2011

How to be a little rough in the sack.

I’ve finished reading the informative book, Just F*ck Me! – What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom (A Guide…

sex tape
November 23, 2011

I may need to release a sex tape.

I met with my publicist about taking things to the next level, whatever that may be. Nobody wants to live in a cubicle for…

tp
November 10, 2011

Don’t do this while doing it.

You’ve experienced embarrassment in the least convenient moments, haven’t you? We all have. Shrug it off, champ. Chances are, your partner at the time…

grat
November 4, 2011

How do men calculate gratuity?

I’m near the end of my annual trip to Phoenix playing in the Men’s Senior Baseball League World Series. Now that I’m fifty, the…

taped
October 15, 2011

I don’t want anything F’d out of me.

I’m sorry. I’d rather not have anything F’d out of me, aside from the obvious. Is that odd? Why do people use such terms?…

swing
October 9, 2011

Swing

Three couples stood nearby as I worked on ridding another bar of its alcohol infestation. Out of respect and indifference, I usually ignore married…

fingers
October 1, 2011

Fingers

We’re all a little weird, right? It’s all good–weird is interesting. My bizarre brothers and I share dating stories and it reassures me. Hank…

locked
September 22, 2011

Not Gonna Do It

Hank has been seeing Kim for a few weeks now. She wants to take it slowly. He wants sex, regardless of the complications it…

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