Defend the Disadvantaged

I’m doing my usual post-workout sweat in the sauna. I forgot my headphones today. The guy next to me begins.

“So, can I ask you something? How they gonna convict this guy when she don’t even know the time or place it happened?”

I should have shrugged and continued my Candy Crush game. The third guy in the sauna chimes in.

“I don’t know, man. This is all so messed up.”

OK, so it’s going to be a 2-on-1 (and not in the “Devil’s Triangle” sense). I could stay quiet no longer.

“It’s not a trial. Nobody is being convicted. It’s a job interview. There’s no due process involved. If you apply for a job here as a personal trainer and, after your interview, a woman informs the manager that you once forced yourself on her, that manager can choose not to hire you, whether she can prove it or not.”

“Naw, man. They can’t do that.”

“Actually, yes, they can hire and fire you at will.”

Here is where I expect the next Fox News talking point. Expectation met.

“This is all just a political thing done by the Democrats ’cause they hate Trump.”

I sigh and smile, tamping down my temper. Anger gets us nowhere.

“Well, friend, ask yourself why she would lie.”

“… because the Democrats got to her and they using her.”

“For that to be true, she and the Democrats must be able to see the future. She first discussed this attack, including naming her attacker, back in 2012. For this to be a setup, she would have needed to know somehow Trump was going to run for president, win, have a justice retire, and then name Brett Kavanaugh. Doesn’t that seem unlikely?”

“Fine. So why would he lie?”

“To get the job. If he admitted to it, he would be disqualified. He might also lose his current job.”

“It ain’t right. This country is all divided. I can’t believe she remembers all that stuff but can’t remember what day it was or what the address was.”

At this point, I’m way over my 20-minute sweat limit. I can turn and leave. I can’t. I wipe my face and continue, careful to be as kind as possible while making eye contact and listening.

“We tend to remember traumas more clearly than typical events. If you were in a bad car accident, you’d remember more about it than someone passing by. She remembers the painful parts. Again, why would she lie? If she were your daughter or wife opening up about this, how would you react?”

“Well, why did that Fienstien lady hold onto it for so long? They just playin’ games.”

“Dr. Ford wanted anonymity. Now we see why. Dr. Ford sent an anonymous letter to the Washington Post. How hard do you think it was for good reporters to ask her high school classmates who they thought the letter was about? When they approached Dr. Ford, she had no choice but to come out. Again, ask yourself why she would lie and bring all of this on herself and her family. Just think about it. Think for yourself. I gotta go. Have a great day, my friends.”

I wasn’t going to change any minds there in the sauna. But, I could plant the seeds of curiosity and doubt.

I drove home wondering why I would defend a woman I never met. I couldn’t relate to her. I was never on either end of that sort of abuse. Why did her testimony bring me to tears? Why did his defensive fit make me want to throw ice water on his tantrum-red face? I guess because my mother taught me to defend the disadvantaged. Dr. Ford faced 11 men out to prove her a liar. My reaction was ingrained as profoundly as her memory. I wanted to jump in front of her and yell, “Leave her alone, you cowards!”

If my brothers and I all take a little time out of our days to offer kindness, empathy, and support, we can mature and earn women’s love.

Think of Trump as your Fiancé

Think of Trump as the man who just proposed to you, his woman (US citizens). He convinced you to accept his marriage proposal by:

  • Telling you how awful your ex-boyfriend treated you, and insisting he left you in a horrible condition.
  • Promising to fix you, because he has fixed numerous similar women.
  • Promising to protect you from evil people, insisting you hire someone to fence in your yard.
  • Promising to keep you healthy.
  • Insisting he’s the best man in the world for you.

Naturally, you asked to check these claims by doing a background check and speaking to his ex-girlfriends. Although he has checked yours, he won’t allow you to check his background, and insists all his ex-girlfriends lie.

As your wedding day approaches, you hear from numerous people that he’s cheating on you with a coworker. Anytime you ask your fiancé about it, he gets angry, screams at you, says they are lies, and demands you identify who told you this. He suggests you ask his best friends. You ask them. They defend him. Then, you receive “anonymous” emails naming her and detailing his affairs. You ask your fiancé about her. He says how wonderful she is, but denies sleeping with her. He suggests that you could be great friends with her.

You try to shrug it off. Then, you find numerous charges on his card at a florist, Tiffany, and Victoria’s Secret. You’ve received nothing from there. You ask you fiancé about the charges. He says they’re fake. Must be fraud. You look out your window during this argument and could swear you see his coworker sitting in her car in front of your house. You point her out. He says you’re paranoid. She drives off.

You check his phone and find numerous salacious text messages from numerous women. He insists his phone was hacked. You demand he delete these ex-girlfriends’ contacts from his phone. He agrees only to give that phone to his best friend, and use a new one.

Many of your friends and family members suggest you look more closely before marrying him. You’re worried it would increase his anger. You look in the mirror and begin to see the flaws he constantly points out. You fear he may be right.

You trust him.

You marry him.

He continues promising, yet delivering nothing he promised. He’s distant. He takes numerous business trips without you. More anonymous tips claim he is sleeping with his coworker. You ask for his phone. He refuses. You ask to check his emails. He refuses. You find he has opened his own credit card account. You ask to see it. He refuses. He continues telling you how flawed and paranoid you are. He insists you stop listening to liars.

What will you do?

Oh, why do I care? #obamacare

obamacareI’m stuck watching silly news stations while killing myself on the treadmill at my gym. Sure, some of the hosts are fun to look at (Erin Burnett, preggo or not), but the palaver that spews makes my head spin. It’s like going to a football game–there’s nothing any fan can say to convert a fan for the other team. It’s a wasted effort, much like the political finger-pointing. So, we common folk sit back and watch our elected officials fatten their wallets while acting like children who don’t want to share.

Most of the dispute is around this thing dubbed Obamacare. From what I understand, it basically makes it so people who couldn’t normally afford health insurance can get it, with government subsidy. OK. Sounds nice. Sure, it’s going to cost the rest of us who can afford it, and that sucks a bit. But, I have a question:

Shouldn’t the price of health insurance be based on your health, not your age, gender, or income level?

All other insurance rates are set this way. Drive an expensive car, drive recklessly, and get lots of tickets, and you pay more for auto insurance. Live in an expensive home, with a dangerous trampoline, and keep a huge attack dog on premises instead of a security system, and you pay more for home insurance.

There’s a very simple solution to this health insurance problem, which would also go a long way toward moving people away from slow suicide (overeating, smoking, and not exercising).

Charge people based on their likelihood of needing medical treatment, which has little to do with age. Set a high monthly price, and offer discounts for proven fitness.


  • Low body mass index.
  • Healthy blood pressure level.
  • Low cholesterol.
  • Run a mile in under ten minutes.
  • No cavities or significant tooth issues related to not flossing, etc.
  • Gym membership with proven attendance.
  • Not smoking.
  • Taking vitamins.
  • Having an annual heart scan showing low or no plaque or blockages.
  • Being fixed. (Look, pregnancy is expensive.)

You want lower rates? Fine. Get healthier.

Sure, many people would throw fits about this–the unhealthy ones. They’d use excuses about genetic disposition and the cost or scarcity of healthy options. “Tough man-titties,” I say. “If you don’t care enough about yourself to do the things to extend you life, and keep your medical costs low, why should I care about you? You’re not helping the human experiment. You’re hurting it. Plus, if you have children, you’re fucking them up, and making things worse for the sustainability of our species. You’re going to need expensive exams, drugs, and procedures to keep you alive, when we’d all be better off if you died (nothing personal) because your genes aren’t worth passing on, and you’d cost us less.”


I’m not talking about Naziism or ethnic cleansing. All I’m saying is if it’s more expensive to keep unhealthy people alive, those people need to pay more to live. Making them pay more should encourage them to get healthier, just like raising car insurance rates motivates people to stop speeding, driving drunk, and doing other things likely to result in expensive repairs and claims. Call it Don’t-Be-a-Fat-Ass Care. Whatever. I don’t care.

The Germinator

Seems an elected official was screwing the help. Who cares? All right, Maria should care but why should I? Our media eats this stuff up, so much so that one day I predict there will be a brilliant manipulation of the media by someone looking for increased exposure. Some not-famous-enough couple will fake an affair so they can write books about it, go on TV where they’ll whine at first and then gloat about how they persevered despite trials and tribulations.

“He’s such a pig. I can’t believe we elected him governor.”
“Hold on to your white wig just one second there, Missy. You don’t know what was going on in their marriage.”
“He was MARRIED. That’s all I need to know.”
“Horse dookie. You weren’t there so you don’t know what their relationship was like.”
“It doesn’t matter. He was married so he wasn’t allowed to shtup the help.”
“Maybe the wife was into that sort of thing.”
“OK, maybe not. I bet it was the steroids.”
“Show me one scientific study showing steroids cause infidelity.”
“Perhaps the ‘roids made him extra horny and the wife was tired of accommodating his bionic man-piston.”
“No excuse.”
“If the wife stops performing wifely duties, the husband has every right to seed the maid. I mean, he’s Ahnowd, for Christ’s sake!”
“I don’t care who he is. Married men are not allowed to have sex with anyone except their wives.”
“Maybe it was a freak accident. What if, while the maid was changing the sheets, one of his practically immortal sperm crawled up her arm, down her body, and into her baby trap?”
“He admitted to having an affair with her.”
“That could be the steroids talking.”
“Stop making excuses for him. He’s not even denying it.”
“Because he’s a victim of abuse. The wife tortured him for years by withholding the good lovin’. She probably beat him regularly. He’s afraid.”
“I can’t have this argument with you. It’s silly. Why are you defending him, anyway? He’s Republican.”
“Wait … what?”
“Holy shit! What a scumbag! How could he do that to poor Maria, a kind and loyal Democrat? Those Republicans are always preaching one thing and doing the opposite. Dang hypocrites, I tell ya–the whole lot of them. I say send him to prison.”
“Absolutely. Maybe we can do a prisoner exchange. Free Lindsay!”

We can solve this problem by forbidding politicians, athletes, and actors from being married. You want to play in the big leagues? Ditch the spouse. I don’t care if you love her. That’s too bad. She’ll become a problem. Oh, you can have all the sex you want with her, but you’re not promising shit because you’re going to break that promise and be persecuted by the same righteous jackasses who were once your biggest supporters. Go get a freaking puppy. I swear if I catch you heading toward bended knee I will terminate you. Stay single and you can enjoy all the lechery your tiny heart can handle.