2014 Screw It Chianti
Government Warning: (1) According to the author, women should drink lots of alcoholic beverages whenever he is in the vicinity. Also, women who are pregnant aren’t supposed to drink alcohol because it could fuck up the offspring. Phil assumes his mother drank heavily during his gestation, hence she is partially responsible for his irreverent behavior. (2) Over-consumption of alcohol impairs just about everything, which is convenient at times. Think of all the ugly people you had sex with. Ouch. See? Now, you have an excuse. Oh, and don’t drive a fucking bulldozer if you’re plastered, genius, because you’ll probably squash something, and fuck up your day.
Ingredients: 30,000 or so words—many of them naughty or nice, depending on your perspective. I use the work “fuck” 162 times. Make that 163. I like that word. Don’t you? Go ahead, and say it now. LOUDER. I’m in love.
Made in my office (coated in car hair, and currently contains four empty coffee mugs, and a nice box of Jujubes) in Carlsbad, California. If you’re in the area, don’t hesitate to get a hotel room. I look like Howard Johnson’s to you? No, I don’t offer tours. Bang on my door before seven, and you’ll have hell to pay, unless you’re carrying coffee, Baileys, and a lightly-toasted, heavily-buttered Asiago bagel.
Alcohol Content: Yes, please.