Things to know about dating. - Author Phil Torcivia

July 13, 2019

Where is this going?

Went on a few dates with a woman far too young to tie herself to a crusty old drunk like me. I was in…

July 2, 2019

Backup Lover

It’s always good to have a backup, right? Spare tire. Toothpaste. Roll of toilet paper within reach. All quite essential. So, doesn’t it make…

June 28, 2019

Your Friend is Miserable

Ladies, do you have a close male friend whom you love platonically? He’s the friend you had one drunken sexual encounter with. You both…

June 20, 2019

Training for Lots of Sex

A recent date of mine confessed that her exes could not keep up with her sex drive. “Challenge ax-fucking-septed,” I bellowed mightily. Then Ole…

June 18, 2019

Talking to Plants

Do you ever walk around and talk to your plants? I do. They don’t answer, so technically I am lecturing them. I’m sure they…

June 12, 2019

Old Man on a Porch

I’ve been training my entire life for this role. I’m sizing up my rocking chair and AM radio. Beware, neighbors, Grandpa Philsy is coming…

June 11, 2019

The Butt Luge

Way back in the day (the 80s) when I vacationed in Mexico there were outrageous party games played at resort and clubs. I mean,…

June 9, 2019

Classic

It has been a Classic Rock week. I saw Rocketman a few days ago and tended bar at a Bad Company concert last night….

June 2, 2019

Unteachable?

‘Twas another date night with my bourbon rocks as I was wedged between two groups of girls-night partiers with their cute sashes and crowns….

May 24, 2019

Name Game

Italian men are named after their grandfathers. Perhaps if Giuseppe were my given name there’d be less opportunity afforded to the passive-aggressive among me….

May 22, 2019

Things to Do When Bored

Masturbate. Yep. Survey says, “That’s the number one answer.” It’s indisputable, yet this typically takes only a few minutes, right? That’s not combating boredom…