Bachelors and bachelorettes have talent, America.

When this popped up on my Facebook stream, I admit I felt it deserved further investigation. The teaser said it featured two stars from The Bachelor showing their Cirque du Soleil skills. I love those pliable clowns wearing all that makeup. The Cirque performers are talented too.

How could I resist?

I clicked, viewed, and realized it’s as sensible as a picture of me tossing a crumpled piece of paper showing my skill of throwing 100MPH fastballs. Stupid. In the picture, Tenley and Kypton (ew, their names even annoy me) are playing a dumb game of airplane that children play. It’s not cute; it’s dangerous.

Sure, the picture shows Tennie beaming as she soars over freakishly strong Kyppie, but we all need to know what happened next!

  • She fell and smashed the dog, which means no more dog-sitting jobs for the talented duo.
  • One of her earrings came loose and lodged itself in Kyppie’s throat.
  • She took it up a notch by adding the other fun game of letting a spit pendulum hang toward his face and sucking it back just before it touches his nose.
  • She fell backward and smashed the TV.
  • They realized a strange person was in the home kneeling next to them while holding a camera and simultaneously screamed.
  • Tennie noticed that Kyppie left his “god damn sneakers” under the sofa again.
  • Kyppie realized his pink toenail polish could use some retouching.
  • They chest-bumped and began planning how to spend all the money they were paid for the “exclusive.”

See the exclusive picture and article on WetPaint.com.

About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.

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