Apology on Behalf of Men


Apparently, my female readers have become all too familiar with substandard men. Sure, some claim they have found the needle after dealing with much hay. Still, most women are caught up in negotiations with silly apes, like me. (Yes, I have done some fucked up things to women I cared about.)

So, allow me to apologize for my actions as well as similar ones from the men you’ve loved. We are sorry.

You know, you could ease the pain of regret by looking at this differently. Perhaps, my hoofed friends and I served a purpose after all. Maybe we taught you to expect less or demand more. We may have tested your limits and helped you raise the bar. Through us, you may have discovered things you can’t live with or without. If that’s the case, then forgiving us should be easy.

It’s difficult to justify why men do what they do to women they know deserve much better. The best advice comes straight from The Four Agreements: Don’t take it personally. You don’t need to take the blame either. Find a way to release him and his misdeeds or the burden will weigh you down.

I’m sorry I hit you. There’s no excuse. It’s cowardly and I need help. You should never tolerate any sort of abuse from anyone.

I’m sorry I yelled. I have anger issues. I can’t help becoming overly emotional because of the environment I was raised in. I know it’s not your fault and I have no right to take it out on you.

I’m sorry I cheated. I was greedy. I promised I’d remain faithful and I broke that promise. I foolishly looked for something better and wound up with nothing. You deserve better and I deserve to be alone.

I’m sorry I broke your heart. I never knew you cared so much about me. I’m a fool. Please don’t think I’m evil. I did what I did for me, not to you.

I’m sorry I stole from you. I had no right to take what is not mine and should have never taken advantage of your generosity. I owe you and will do my best to pay you back.

I’m sorry I’m not ready to get married. It’s a commitment that I can’t take lightly. I trust you, but I’m afraid the odds are stacked against us. I’m worried it won’t work and I’ll become financially saddled. Please give me some time and I understand if you decide not to.

I’m sorry I’m not ready to commit. I was in a lengthy relationship and I need to work on myself before letting someone in again. I’m flattered that you want to commit to me, but I can’t do it right now.

I’m sorry I shared with others something between the two of us that I should have kept private. I hope it doesn’t cause you pain. I’m embarrassed and ashamed that I didn’t think before doing something so careless.

I’m sorry I disappointed you. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I know it was important and I’m sorry I failed you. I’ll try harder next time if you give me another chance.

I’m sorry I forgot. Like you, I have many things going on in my life. Some are insignificant and they should not distract me from the promises I made to you. I’ll do better next time.

I’m sorry I lied. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings. That’s not a good excuse, but you need to know this is not how I normally am. I should have handled this better. I realize I made a big mistake and losing your trust saddens me. I hope I can earn it back.

I’m sorry I misled you. I thought I was ready for something more. I told you what you needed to hear because I didn’t want to lose you. I should have been honest and upfront.

I’m sorry I left. It was selfish of me. I couldn’t deal with my numerous failures as a partner. I felt woefully weak and inadequate. I’m a coward for not discussing it with you. I promise I’ll learn to share my feelings and not run away.

Now it’s your turn: Can you forgive?

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About the author

Author of humorous essays about relationships and lifestyles.