This is a problem most women have, although few men do. Perhaps it’s because women have more to invest and lose … oh, and because they don’t have hanging brains beneath their privates.
“How can I tell if he really likes me or just wants to sleep with me?”
“You’re hoping for both, aren’t you?”
“I don’t want to have sex with him if he’s not emotionally invested.”
“All right. That means you like him.”
“I do. I also don’t want to frustrate him and scare him away by making him wait too long.”
“Yep, that happens. Like you would with a new hire, you need to set expectations.”
“Right. I’ll tell him he can’t touch me until he likes me.”
“No, you need to be more specific. Show him some light at the end of the love tunnel. Tell him you’re selective about your lovers, and it could take a dozen dates before you’d be willing to go there.”
“Will a guy wait that long?”
“If he likes you he will … or, if his prospect pool has dried up.”
This is quite a love tug, isn’t it? If I’m attracted to a woman, by definition I want to have sex with her. That desire usually arrives before I have her name memorized. It’s a good thing as long as I don’t insist upon sex too soon, or have it and leave. It takes days or weeks to build a strong like; it takes seconds to build a strong desire.
I’m fighting myself by suggesting women make their men wait when women desire long-term relationships. Sometimes (right fucking now, in fact), a casual encounter is what the doctored ordered to get Russell the Love Muscle back in shape. A long sexual drought will cause a man to say and do whatever is required to close the deal. Humbly, I’ve been stunned by what came out of my mouth (and wallet) when I needed a slump-breaker.
Still, I bet most women can see through all the pleasantries and tell if there’s potential for a walk down the aisle or a walk of shame.
“If you know how you feel about him and have specific desires and goals regarding your relationship, you should tell him. Be honest. Be prepared for him to be scared off due to impatience. His departure will be a blessing.”
“Fine. Give me an example of what to say.”
“OK. Remove all distractions, sit across from him, and look into his eyes. It’s probably a good idea to hold his hands so he doesn’t sprint away. I’m kidding, sort of. Then say something to the tune of, ‘I want you to know I really like you and am excited about the possibility of building a significant relationship between us. I’m highly attracted to you and eager for the day we make love. If you feel the same way, we should enjoy the build up and not take things too quickly. Don’t worry. I won’t make you wait forever–just long enough to be confident that our hearts are equally invested. Fair enough?'”
“Wow. Can you print that on a note card for me?”
“Stop it, silly. Ad lib and he’ll find your sincerity refreshing … or, you’ll be back tomorrow for my consolation services.”